A Call to True Manliness
Transcript:
Well if you look at the bulletin. Today 5 foot 150.00 pound David Wright is going to talk about true manliness.
I'm not sure why you're laughing.
This ought to be good, right? Maybe not your conventional holiday sermon, but what does it mean to be a true man? Is it to be a brawler? Is it to be able to tackle a bear with your bare hands? What is true manliness?
I came across this picture this week. This looks like some true man out in the rugged front here, moose horns on his shoulder, bows and arrows. Now that is a man! And he's not afraid of going through that mountain stream. Bring it on! I don't even get cold, I'm a man! Or maybe it's even being a lumberjack.
Anybody been to Wisconsin in the summertime, to the Lumberjack World Championships? Shame on you for those that don't know this even exists. This is where people come together to saw logs with a stopwatch to see who is the fastest, who's the most proficient, who can chop through with an axe. And, in fact, this one at the top left is the most intriguing to me because they have to chop a little wedge put their board in there, then climb on top do it again, climb on top and I don’t remember how many times they do it until they finally whack off it off the top of the tree and like 40 seconds or something. It's incredible!
So being a lumberjack does that make you a true man, wearing flannel? Log rolling? I don't know. Maybe it's your income how much you make the kind of cars that you drive. Or maybe in Hendersonville it's just as fitting to say it's the size of your pickup truck.
Now that is a man’s truck right there. Where would that get stuck. Oh they parked too close. "Don't worry, Honey, I'll drive right over top." The man's ride.
I came across this on the Internet. True and False Manliness by James Freeman Clarke. He wrote this in 1886. He is an American theologian, an author, and he says “ Manliness is the character of a man as he ought to be. As he was meant to be.”
It expresses the qualities which go to make a perfect man. Truth, Courage, Conscience, Freedom, Energy, Self-possession, Self-control, - but it does not exclude Gentleness, Tenderness Compassion, Modesty. A man is not less manly, but more so because he is gentle " he writes. In fact, our word gentleman shows that a typical man must also be a gentle man. So, maybe it's better not to run that car over after all.
Now there are plenty of examples in Scripture of a very manly man doing very manly things. Moses going up against Pharaoh, parting the Red Sea as all the children of Israel file through. Joshua and the Battle of Jericho, David and Goliath, Daniel facing the lions, Samson and his strength. And while that is certainly part of being a man, is that the only part of being a man? Or is there something about being a gentle man or gentleman and what does it mean to be manly at home, because sometimes we're really good at being manly out there and conquering, and coming home and saying “Look what I've done!" But at home maybe we're not quite as, well, manly.
So this morning I want to look at an example, the story of Joseph and Mary and baby Jesus. And if you have your Bibles we're going to be looking this morning at Matthew Chapter one, verses 18 to 24. It is where we'll begin.
I'm looking at somebody in this Christmas story that oftentimes gets somewhat overlooked. But looking at the role of Joseph this morning. So in Matthew Chapter one, beginning in verse 18 it says now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows.
After his mother Mary was betrothed (today we'd say engaged) to Joseph before, they came together she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Verse 19:Then Joseph, her husband, being a just man and not wanting to make her a public example was minded was pondering, was considering, to put her away secretly. And that wouldn't be easy to do.
"Hey guess what, Joseph, I'm pregnant, but I have not been with another man or any man.”
"Interesting. Really? That's the best story you come up with?”
"No, it's the truth.”
But while I thought about these things, behold an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream.
Saying; “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you, Mary, your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a son and you shall call his name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins. So all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying 'Behold the virgin shall be with child and bear a son and they still call his name Emmanuel which is translated God with us.’”
I'll tell you, it takes a real gentleman to hear news like that and to come up with a plan to put her away quietly even before the dream comes. Even before God tells you specifically and directly take this woman to be your wife. "What is inside of her comes from me, from the Holy Spirit”
Now, why did God come to Joseph here and not just Mary? Because Jesus was to be born into a family and this family needed, I believe, a spiritual leader in the home. It was the same in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 2:9 And God called to Adam and said "Where are you?”
Why didn't He call to Eve? Because you are the spiritual leader the head of the home not the tyrannical, all domineering way, but as a loving tender husband, man, spiritual leader of the home. As Paul says if he's in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it." Have the same perfect love for your wife as Christ has for the church.
So God is calling Joseph to be the spiritual leader of this home to be the guardian, the protector, the provider, the leader of this family as Christ is to his church. He's calling Joseph to be the house band. Yes, Mary's role is key. She's already pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. But the creator of the family says Lead her because she can't do this all by herself. It's going to be incredibly challenging. She'll need your strong arms to lean on Joseph to be the spiritual leader, the guardian, of this home to encourage her to be attentive, to be constant, to be faithful and compassionate.
Joseph. You are my man. Will you do this?
I believe Joseph was a true man. Because he was patient, he demonstrated that he was gentle because he was godly. And I believe he knew his Bible and the prophecies, and I imagine the angel probably showed him Isaiah 7:14 that was quoted in the Scripture was to be fulfilled and so Joseph humbly submits and obeys God and in a gentle way Joseph leads his family. Verse 24; "Then Joseph being aroused from sleep did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife”
Now it go without saying, but I’m going to say it, anyway. In any family, God comes first. Whatever God calls you to do, you do that first. Secondly, comes your family and thirdly comes the church.
That's true. You heard it from the from the pastor. First, God. Then your family. Then the church. Because our families can only be, excuse me, our churches can only be, as strong as our families. Isn't that's true? And our families can only be as strong as we are connected to Christ. Isn’t that true? So, if it is not in that order, something is out of order. But I believe Joseph has the order correct.
Then we find him again in Chapter 2, same book Matthew Chapter 2. Picking up the story in verse 13. You know these verses well. “Now when they had departed behold an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream saying.
'Arise take the young child until time has passed the wise men have come and gone take the young child and his mother and flee to Egypt and stay there until I bring you word for Herod will seek the young child to destroy him.’ " So again verse 14 “When he arose he took the young child and his mother by night and departed for Egypt.”
Here he is again the protector of the family. And then skipping down to verse 19 “Again some time has passed and now when Herod was dead, behold an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt saying 'Arise take the young child and his mother and go to the land of Israel. For those who sought the young child's life are dead.’”
Twice, here we read about Joseph uprooting. And stop and think about that. It is not an easy or fun thing to move. To pull out moving boxes or the caravan or whatever it might be to pack your things, however few it might be and to travel on, find another place to live find other place to be employed to work to support the family and then you get settled in there and again the call comes, time to move again. But here again and again and again we see Joseph putting the needs of his family above his own needs. He's self less as he heeds the instruction of the Lord.
I find this quote interesting. Joseph desired to make his home in Bethlehem. So after this he wanted to go back not to Nazareth, he wanted to go to Bethlehem. Bethlehem was a much more up and coming city. This is the City of David. Up in the foothills, about 5 miles south of Jerusalem. It's got a nice climate, it's green, it's just a beautiful place. I want to live in Bethlehem but he learned that Archelaus reigned in his father stead and he feared the father's designs against Christ might be carried out by the son and so instead he goes to Nazareth.
And Nazareth is not near as flashy of a place to live. It's an agricultural town. It's quiet maybe as few as 200 people there, most of which are quite poor. Their houses are made out of mud and straw. But that's where he's to go and so again Joseph submits even though his desire to do something else. His dream is to be someplace else. To settle someplace else. He submit for the good of the family, for the good of his wife and his children because the Lord had led in a different direction. I believe here we see Joseph a man of true godliness and a true man.
I want to look at another example. Turn me if you will to Genesis, chapter 33. There's a lot that goes into making of this portion of Scripture. We're not going to unpack it all but you're familiar I think with the drama between Esau and Jacob. How for 20 years Jacob was in exile and how the Lord kept working on Jacob and finally he's going to go back to meet up with his brother Esau who he has not seen now for 20 years. And he gets the word that his brother is coming to meet him with 400 men and he's petrified and so he spends all night in prayer wrestling with God. And he comes out of that experience a changed man. Fully surrendered.
And as he's going to meet his brother Esau, finally they meet in verse 4. Interestingly Spirit of Prophesy tells us that Esau got his own dream that same night that Jacob wrestles with the Lord and in that dream he was convicted not to harm his brother. And so in verse 4 of Genesis 33 we read but Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him. And they wept.
And after some conversation, after wondering how come you sent all of these gifts of you didn’t need to do that, I already have. "No, I insist you must take them," and he says quickly come with me in fact we read about it in verse 12. And Esau said, "Let us take our journey. Let us go and I'll go before you." But Jacob changed man now, used to be the deceiver been renamed by God he says “ My lord, no, the children are weak. And the flocks and herds which are nursing are with them, or with me, and if the man should drive them hard one day all the flock will die so if it please my lord, go on ahead before his servant I will lead on slowly at a pace which the livestock that go before me and the children are able to endure until I come to my Lord in Seer.” I will lead on slowly.
Now, if you have a King James Bible this morning, the word there is actually ‘softly' but it can also be translated as ‘ gently' or ‘ tenderly’. In fact, the same word that we find in Psalms 51 verse 1 " A soft answer, that the word soft, answer turns away wrath a gentle answer a tender answer. In the past Jacob has tried to lead forcefully. He's tried to lead by manipulation. He's tried to lead by deceit. But I believe, now Jacob's a changed man. He's a converted man, and now he leads softly, gently, tenderly.
May I suggest that a true man leads gently. Can we look at some quotes? In life's toilsome way, let the husband and father lead on softly, as the companion of his journey is able to endure. Amidst the world eager rush for wealth and power let him learn to stay his steps to comfort and support the one he is called to walk by his side.
Here's another book that you may be familiar with it's called 'Bringing Up Boys' by Dr James Dobson. He has this to say. He says “A strong man provide security and comfort for every member of his family. He knows he's a child of God and what is best for his wife and for his children. His sons needs such a man to look up to and to emulate.”
He has this to say in another book that similar to this - Bringing Up Girls also by James Dobson. He says there is a place in the female soul reserved for daddy, or a daddy figure that will always yearn for affirmation and I don’t believe they'll ever outgrow that. She will adore him if he loves and protect her and if she find safety and warmth in his arms she will tend to see all men through the lens of that relationship that ought to give our fathers pause.
A daughter sense of self-worth and confidence is linked directly to her relationship with her dad. What he thinks about her and how he expresses affection is a central source of her perceived value as a human being. Dads are important. Male figures are important. Grampas are important. The most casual negative remarks made by a dad years ago still echoing in his daughter's ears, in her daughter's heart, excuse me. The most casual negative remarks. The flippant word. The tone of the voice, years from then she can still recall the day I disappointed daddy. Even though fathers can no longer play in the sandbox with their 5 year olds, it is never too late for them to say you are precious to me.
Dads are so vital. They're so important. They're so needed. They're so necessary. And I would say fathers you are fathers for life in a unique role. Girls never outgrow the need for love and affection from their fathers. So keep hugging and squeezing them. Keep checking up on them keep telling them how proud you are of them and your boys to. Keep telling them how beautiful they are, even in their thirty’s, forty's and fifty’s.
There might be some older men here wondering now what should I get my grown daughter for Christmas this year, I mean she has everything. I'd say this simply find a quiet moment this holiday season, embrace your grown daughter and tell her how proud you are of her. How beautiful she is how she's such a great mother and wife. Tell her how much you love her and how precious she is to you. Ladies never outgrow that. I believe that will mean more to her. She will carry that longer than any beautiful sweater you deem to give her.
Joseph and Jacob were true men in how they were spiritual leaders in their homes and how they protected and cared for their families. And how they sacrificed for the family the needs of the family above their own needs and desires. And they were true men how they guided and led softly and how they provided. Now that's a word that we like to hear, right men? We are the providers!
This is certainly a manly trait to provide. Now for most men the drive to provide is so deeply rooted that almost nothing can relieve their feeling of duty. Men will work their way into the ground to provide for the family and you've seen it before. Only to be frustrated when a wife seems to be asking for more. But what we need to understand is when they have to choose, now don’t miss this, when women have to choose between emotional security -feeling connected- or financial security we're told they choose the connection every time.
In fact, in this book, For Men Only, it says 70 percent of married women women would prefer to be financially insecure. These are both not their preference I understand, but 70 percent of married when would prefer to be financially insecure than endure a lack of closeness with their husbands. So men, you put on this yoke, you know, that I have to provide, I have to provide, even if I hate my job, I have to provide. While that's true, what your wife wants even more, not the big house, the new car, all those things, she wants you. She wants to feel emotionally connected with you and close with you. It’s the little things that build closeness. A 30 second message during the day, just telling her how much you love her. That’s manly.
Here's a quote from Adventist Home. "You look upon as weakness, men, to be kind, tender and sympathetic and have thought it beneath your dignity to speak tenderly, gently and lovingly to your wife. Here you mistake, and what true manliness and dignity consists."
Did you know you could do a search on Ellen White search engine for true manliness? It’s right here. And we thought it was weakness to be kind and tender and sympathetic to speak tenderly gently lovely to your wife but that is in fact what she's saying is true manliness is to be those things! Yes you can be the guy's guy. Yes you can have the big truck. Yes you can do all these other things, but are you a gentle man that provides for what your wife truly needs and the emotional closeness that she desires.
Sometimes you can go to the gym and you can see guys spending hours and hours a day sometimes pumping that iron. Some of those men, they are in relationships that aren't going so well but they're thinking in their very simplistic men minds. 'If I can just get biceps big enough she'll love me again.' If those same guys could spend an hour a day massaging her feet and asking "How did your day go today?" That's the truth of the matter.
Guys if you want to be attractive to your gals clean something! It doesn't matter what it is. Clean it! Anything! Get out the vacuum ! Well, 'it doesn't need it' doesn't matter! You're missing the point. Vacuum something! Anything! Here's another one. Husband should be careful, attentive, constant, faithful and compassionate.
Might say that sounds good but what does that look like practically? I mean, OK, I can clean something. Let me finish the quote. “The happiness he imparts will bring joy and peace on his own heart, so when you fulfill her's you're fulfilling your own heart."
Here's another some very practical advice whatever might be his calling and its perplexities. Translation guys: "whatever your job, no matter how difficult your job is, let the father taken to his home the same smiling countenance and pleasant tones with which he has all day greeted visitors and strangers. You're polite out there, you're kind out there, you're friendly out there. Don't come home and be a grouch! Be the same! Well, you don't understand. My job, the complexities. Doesn't matter! She says, let the wife feel that she can lean upon the large affections of her husband. That his arms will strengthen and hold her through all her toils and cares. That his influence will sustain hers and her burden will lose half its weight. I mean, if you want to be a man, be that man when you come home.
Here's another one. He should encourage her to lean upon his large affections and direct her mind to heaven where there is strength and peace and a final rest for the weary. He should encourage his wife to look up and believe in God. So claim promises together. Open your Bible together. Say Honey, "I know you're overwhelmed but here's a promise I want to claim for you today.” Lift her thoughts heavenward. Be the spiritual leader in your home. And it says ‘unitedly' they can claim the promises of God and bring his rich blessings into the family.
Men, that's your job. That's your job! Be a man! Can I talk to you that way? I know some guys are probably thinking, yeah, she may want those things, but she doesn't realize the weight and the stress that I'm under. The responsibility that I carry, I don't have time to do those things. I can't do it all. I can't be super husband. I can't be perfect. I can't do all that stuff you're talking about and and get my kids to Fletcher Academy or Southern Adventist University. I can't do it. I want to do that, but sometimes we think that way yet I'm humbled when I look at Jesus on the cross weighted by the weight of the world on his shoulders feeling the weight of every sin upon him the separation between He and the Father. Sweating blood! When the last time you sweat blood guys? He's in such agony and pain and heartache. Yet we read here in John 19:26, "when Jesus therefore saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing by he said to his mother,’Woman, Behold your son' (speaking of John standing right there next to her) and he said to the disciple John, 'behold your mother and from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.’ “
He was overwhelmed in the midst of dying the second death when it is more than He can bear when He's crying out “ ather, why have you forsaken me?" feeling completely disconnected yet in those moments He pauses and He thinks about his mother. You understand Joseph had passed on and now Jesus was about to die yet even in that moment He is attentive. He's faithful. He's compassionate to his mom and her needs and He is making sure she is taken care of and provided for. Folks, that is true manliness that is leading tenderly, that's being a provider. Being attentive.
But sadly, I feel like there's a vacuum today of true manliness. The world's quick to offer suggestions. Well, if you can do this and if you can look like that and if you can drive this, and all the rest, then you're a true man. What makes a man a man? A man, technically, yes. I don't even know what. But a man who leads gently, softly, tenderly. A man who trusts fully in the will and plans of God. A man who puts the needs of his family above his own. That's a man hard to find, but I want to challenge them in here this morning, by the grace of God, to be the man that He's called you and I to be. Be the man to your wife that you're called to be. Don't make excuses. Don't say it's too hard. Don't say you're too tired or don't say oh I had a poor role model. Look to Jesus. Be the man He called you to be. Don't say I can't be a spiritual leader. God will help you. Don't say I'm too weak. God will give you the strength. Don’t say you don’t know how. God will show you how.
I’m not even married. I don’t have kids. Doesn't matter. You can be a true man as a single adult. You can be practicing to be a true man as a young person. You can be 5 years old and be learning what it means to be a true man. You can be a grandparent. You can be 95 years old and you can still be a true man. And as I think about Christmas I don't really think your wife probably needs another article of clothing as much as she needs you to be her husband, her house band, a spiritual leader, a best friend, a role model for her children. And your kids don't need another toy. They need a father who will get down on the floor and play with them. Who take their little girls to breakfast. Who take their sons camping. Who will call their grown kids every Friday night just to check in and say I love you. You're precious to me. And yes, it can be overwhelming, but God promises to help us. And as we surround ourselves or surrender ourselves, I should say to Christ, every day, as we seek guidance in prayer, every day, He promises to help us. That's the good news. To help us to become the men that he has called us to be.
Another quote here says, “Distrusting his own strength (referring to fathers) he hangs his helpless soul on Jesus and take hold of the strength of the Most High." That's what men are called to do. He said I can't do this. It's too much. You're right. So in distrusting in your own strength you hang on to Jesus. You cling to the Most High.
The same idea here in Joshua 1:9. Have I not command you be strong and courageous? Do not be frightened. Do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. So, man, is it your desire to allow God to lead in your homes to help you be the husband, father you're called to be? But you may be 5 years old. But you may simply say "as a man in training I want God to mold me as a teenager or a single." You may say Lord, I want to be your man. I want to remain pure. I want to treat women with respect. I want to treat my mother with respect. As a husband or a father or grandfather you may say "Lord this is hard, but I'm asking you to lead me. Help me fill this role of husband, father, grandfather, provider, protector, spiritual leader. Help me to be a good role model for my children and grandchildren.”
Psalms 5:8 “Lead me oh, Lord in your righteousness." God promises to lead us as men in our homes.
PRAYER: Father, we're asking right now that You will lead us, as the men in our homes, as singles, as even some young children are here as some grandparents are here. Lord help us to be the spiritual leader you've called us to be. Help us to lead gently, but firmly with kindness and with grace. Help us to be the role model You've called us today. And where we can be any of those things if we're not drawing from you on a daily basis. Lord, the battle is won or lost in the morning first thing. May we surrender our lives to you each day. May we seek to do all that we can to show those around us how much we love them. And to point them to the Savior. In Jesus name we pray.
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